As I Sit,

I sit across form you
In that dirty, dingy classroom
That has no right to contain you
I sit there,
Thinking,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Dreaming,

I sit there thinking of you,
And how your eyes are so green they put the newest hundred dollar bill to shame.

 I sit there wishing,
Wishing that you would look up at me,
Just once,
And give me that butterflies all over feeling again

I sit there hoping,
Hoping that one day
Maybe
Just maybe
You will turn to me and tell me with the heaviest heart and greatest sincerity
That you love me
Just the way that I love you.

I sit there dreaming,
Dreaming about what our life could be like,
Dreaming about how happy I could be,
How happy you could be,

And as I’m sitting there,
Thinking,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Dreaming,
I get lost in you, for a split second,
And it’s the most amazing feeling,
It’s like I taste your soul and it’s like rainbows and lollipops dancing on my tongue,
Happiness flowing through my veins
And the most beautiful picture in my eyes,
My fingertips brush against the softest fur
And I’m swallowed whole by a warmth that fills me up and holds me,
Secure,
Just like I could be with you,

But then I can feel myself being tugged out of my high,
My high on you,
I don’t want to let go,
I try to hold on,
I can feel myself squeeze my fingers as tight as they can go,
Ready to give everything up just for a few more seconds of this feeling.

But I can’t,
Before I even have time to look around at the shit hole that I was thrust back into,
I catch a glimpse of beautiful blonde hair,
And I know she’s taking you away from me,
Once again,
I close my eyes and wish it all way,
The sorrow,
The anxiety,
The longing for you to just look up to me and acknowledge that I have feelings for you,
That I might,
Just might be better for you than her.
You frown and sigh,
And that helps a bit,
I almost want to smile, knowing your not happy being with her,
And then I remember,
Your not happy, and that ruins it all again.
-Masen